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08/05/2003 Entry: "08-04-03"

08-04-03 Monday:
Ok. I feel bad about something and I have to put it in here. I didn't go to Bar 13 tonight. They had their poet auction, and the team send off. I increasingly feel like I am distancing myself from the collective. It's a little bit sad. I feel like I don't want to hurt the feelings of the people who have really put a lot of thought and sweat into the series, and have been good people too. However, I feel like my time would be better spent doing other things. The CD that I designed and put a lot of time into (and I think is a great CD on its own) continues to sit in boxes in my living room. It is not available on the Poetcd.com website nor on the poetryslam website, nor in any other store location besides the four that I personally dropped it off at.
The National poetry slam starts on wed, and no one outside of a small group of people are even aware that the CD came out. Even some of the people on the CD haven't been officially told about its release. I know what you are thinking: why didn't you do it? Why didn't you make sure it was sold on said sites and in more stores. It comes down to this, I did not want to be the one pushing the expansion of the thing by my self, I don't want to be a nag, and that's what I was becoming. The only sales of the CD so far have been local efforts by Fish, Oscar, and Seve at the merch tables. In all instances they have been point of purchse sales, or close friend referalls. None of them have been because of advertising or email, having heard it somewhere, a review or an article.
Which would be Ok if this were a bottleg home burned thing, but its not. Its a real professionally manufactured and produced CD that could sell itself if people only put a little work into the promotion, and marketing. The Cd release was a flop, and it was two months after we had already been selling it. There isn't even sales info on our website.
All of these things frustrate me. I just can't put on a smile anymore when it comes to the CD, I just have to stop working for it, and let it sink or swim. So tonight I din't feel my presence was necessary, nor would it have been helpful for them or for me to be at 13. I want to go to Nationals with a positve attitude and have some real fun cheering on NYC . I should be able to do that with just a little bit of effort. Sorry to be such a downer but I had to put it somewhere.

Replies: 2 comments

There's nothing sadder than the moment you realize it's time to move on in a relationship, whether with a person, a thing or the odd combination of both that is louderARTS. You were always one of the most selfless people in the "collective" and I always appreciated that. I have no doubt you'll go on to bigger and better things and you know I'm here for you if you ever need a hand.

Posted by Guy LeCharles Gonzalez @ 08/06/2003 04:47 PM EST

Ed,

I like the journal...has it become obligatory for every NYC poet to have an online journal? Every new online journal I read makes me realize that I have no life...I'm too busy reading online journals. Thanks a lot! (lol) Stick with the journal and don't worry about not being able to carry the whole world on your shoulders. Someone else will always pick up the slack.

Peace,
mcs

Posted by M.C. Siegel @ 08/05/2003 04:25 PM EST